I have been in the wilderness just once.
I was hiking in the mountainous desert of the southwest. I was alone. That you may deem foolish, but I hike and run and cycle in large part to be alone. I am a person who requires solitude. And too, I admit, I tend to imagine I’m indestructible. At any rate, I was at least well prepared – properly conditioned, appropriately attired, possessed of compass and canteen. A few hours into the hike, as I was replacing my canteen in my pack, it tumbled down the side of the mountain. I knew I had to retrieve it, that I probably could not make it back without it. It was not a case of – ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” It was 90 degrees, and I was nearly ten miles from the road. So I left the path and climbed down the side of the mountain. I quickly realized it would be nearly impossible to retrieve my canteen. Once off the path the terrain was rough and indistinguishable, so much so that I lost my bearings. I climbed back up well past where the path should have been but couldn’t find it. By this time, my thirst was becoming increasingly urgent, and with increasing urgency I climbed back down to search for my canteen, but of course, to no avail. Finding myself without the strength to climb up again, I had no recourse but to follow the wadi at the bottom of the mountain hoping it would lead somewhere. As it happened, it led out into the dessert. My thirst became desperate and unbearable. My walk became a stagger. Some irrational impulse led me to cry out for help, but I found I no longer had no voice. The terms of the situation were suddenly made clear to me. This would be my last day. I would die of thirst this day in the dessert.
It was then I entered the wilderness. The wilderness is less a place of physical torment than of spiritual torment. It is hard to describe to those who have never been there. It is as if all the structures that confer meaning upon existence fall away and without them looms the dread and despair that there is no meaning, only futility. The wilderness is, I suppose, the keen and vivid experience of godlessness in the face of death.
Mercifully my time in the wilderness didn’t last long. My thoughts turned, or were led, to Jesus. “He thirsted from his cross,” I thought, and I was given to hope that by sharing in his suffering I would be purged of my sin and he would receive me home. With that thought, I was no longer in the wilderness.
I have been in the wilderness just once, but let me tell you, once is enough. I hope never to return there, but I realize it’s not my choice. For one cannot avoid the wilderness by avoiding the dessert. Some people find themselves in the wilderness even despite those structures which confer meaning upon existence, which for most hold it at bay. Friedrich Nietzsche, for instance, was one such individual, though he called the wilderness the abyss. He stared into it, made a feeble stand against it in his philosophy, and then went insane.
This is why to consider that Jesus -- having learned from the Spirit at his baptism that his vocation was to die for the sin of humankind -- was thereupon driven by the Spirit into the wilderness, is to make one shudder in revulsion and horror. It was in that place of torture and torment, of intolerable desolation, that Jesus was forced to master all doubt that indeed his death was for the sin of humankind, that his death would be the means by which the sin of humankind would be forgiven and all death the means to reconciliation with God.
But why, one wonders, why would the Spirit drive him there? Why would the Spirit add to the burden it had already placed upon him at his baptism? It was in fact because the Spirit sought to help Jesus to honor what it knew would be his intention. The Spirit knew that if Jesus could determine in the wilderness to die for the sin of humankind, he could too make good on that determination. And so the Spirit drove him there, careless even that the wilderness was the stalking ground of the devil.
And the devil indeed found him there. After all, he had his interest to protect. He could not allow Jesus to die for the sin of humankind; he could not allow Jesus’ death to be the means by which the sin of humankind would be forgiven and all death the means to reconciliation with God. Death was his greatest weapon against humankind, the means by which he held humankind captive through fear and cynicism. He intended to protect that interest, and the only way to do so was to tempt Jesus from determining to die for the sin of humankind. And the devil knew just what to do, knew to lead into Jesus’ goodness.
"If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” Jesus was half starved; for he had been fasting forty days. Jesus felt
the deep need of all those who hunger. He could, as the devil suggested, use the miraculous power entrusted to him as the Son of God to feed the hungry. His vocation could be to provide concrete relief in the here and now. But he recalled the word of God, “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”
The devil next took him to the pinnacle of the temple, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you’ and ‘on their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’” The devil was at him most beguiling, for he quoted to Jesus that same word of God Jesus had turned to for fortification. “Jump,” the devil coaxed. “At God’s own word, he will protect you. Let that be the sign that you are the Son of God. Everyone will believe, and you need not die.” But Jesus knew that the devil himself can cite scripture, so resisted him again, “… it is written, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
Finally, the devil took him to the top of a mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” Another lead into Jesus’ goodness. “You can rule the whole world,” the devil bargained, “and be the best ruler the world has ever known, so long as death remains under my control.” But the devil, in these repeated temptations began to reveal himself for who he was, and ironically drove Jesus from the wilderness. “Away with you Satan! For it is written, ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”
Jesus had triumphed as the Spirit intended. He determined in the wilderness, in the face there even of the devil’s temptations, to die for the sin of humankind and it was a determination he could make good on.
And the devil had played into his hands in more ways than one. Jesus would now recognize all temptations from his determination to die for the sin of humankind as precisely the temptation of the devil – Peter’s rebuke to him that he must not die, the crowds at Palm Sunday who acknowledged and hailed him as a political messiah, his own terror at the Garden of Gethsemane, and the jeers at him on his cross, “If you are the Son of God, save yourself.”
Yet it is difficult to fathom the depth of the suffering Jesus endured in the wilderness and strength he somehow summoned there. Part of the grace I
received from my own time in the wilderness is that I can now better glimpse it. But what kind of man could endure that suffering and summon that strength? Only one kind of man, if you think about it, a man of perfect love as was his -- love for his father, love for humankind.
We are bid this first Sunday in Lent to reflect upon Jesus in the wilderness, and as we do so, to reflect too as honestly and openly as we are able about our own lives over against his; to ask ourselves questions like these: Am I mindful of what he endured for me? Do I live a life worthy of him? Am I the person he calls me to be? Do I love all those as he bids me to love? Am I loyal to him? Could I stand before him?
And we will know if we have entered the season of Lent if our reflection issues in repentance, which particularly in Lent, but in every season of the Christian year, is the practice and mark of the true Christian. Amen.