February 4, 2020
One of the last conversations I ever had with my father happened to be about parenting. We were arguing whether there was any rhyme or reason to it. My father, who the older he got grew more and more laisser faire, was arguing against rhyme or reason. "But surely parenting is not just a crap shoot?" I protested, fearful that all my parental ministrations over the last thirty-five years had been for naught. My father stubbornly maintained his position. "But look at the massive influence you had upon my formation," I persisted. "Ah, but look at the utter lack of influence my mother had upon mine," he countered. He had me there. My father and his mother were the original odd couple. And so we digressed, as people do before a mystery that has never been solved, and revisited their relationship. My father was an only child, born of parents well into their forties. His mother wore the pants in the family. After my father arrived, all of her time and energy and ambition were focused upon him. She had such high hopes for him. She wanted him to be successful; that is, successful as she defined success – She wanted him to be a man of prominence and respectability – complete with a lovely wife, a stately home, a prestigious career, and upward social connections -- a combination, perhaps, of Cary Grant, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and Henry Ford. But my father was not the stuff of her hopes, so very early in his life, the battle lines were drawn. The battle was not violent or vicious. It was more of a standoff. My father had his own center, as some people strangely do, and sensed that her regime was one to be lived out. And so throughout his youth, she proposed, and in one way or another, he disposed. He remained true to his center, despite all the forces she could marshal. My father did grow to be a successful man. He was a pastor, a professor, a theologian, and an author. But it was not as his mother defined success. He was, in fact, a disappointment to her. Every time she would see him approaching in his corduroy and tweed, his hair after the fashion of Albert Einstein’s, a look of long suffering would come into her eyes. Even after my father was well into his fifties, when there was no hope for her hopes, she never relinquished the battle. By this time, however, there was little in her arsenal except various adages that offered the proof of her position. "Oh Ron," she’d say, every time she cast her eyes downward, and they lit upon his desert boots, "Don’t you know you can judge a man by the shine on his shoes?" Or when one of her neighbors approached, "Remember, Ron, that a firm handshake makes a firm impression." Or as he pulled up in his beat-up Volkswagen Wagon, "How many times have I told you Ron, that nothing succeeds like the appearance of success." My father and I in that conversation didn’t solve the mystery as to how he grew to be the man he was free of parental influence, but I did come to understand why he believed there was no rhyme or reason to parenting. As we were ending the conversation he said, "You know, there was one adage of hers I actually took to heart." "Oh, yeah?" I said, "Which one?" "You can judge a man by the company he keeps." I just laughed. I thought he was being ironic or sarcastic or some such. He knew I had missed his meaning, but my father had a funny way of allowing himself to be misunderstood. He had a funny way of trusting that his words would some day come to be apprehended. I guess it’s not so funny really. And Jesus answered them, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.’ The Jews then said, “This temple has been under construction for forty-six years, and will you raise it up in three days?’ But he was speaking of the temple of his body. After he was raised from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this; and they believed.” Somehow, for my dad, allowing himself to be misunderstood was an act of faith – faith, I guess, that the truth will eventually out. And it worked, because just last week I was passing the place where his house once stood, and it summoned memories of the company he kept. First there were the animals. He was an animal rescuer and took on the tough cases. He favored big dogs, better to say enormous dogs, since they were hard to place. Dugan, for instance, his otter hound weighed nearly 200 pounds, and most of that was fur and slobber. And then there were my foster brothers and sisters of all colors, shapes, and sizes. He was always giving the older ones advice and direction for when the system cut them loose. And then there were the war protesters. I grew up during the Vietnam era. My father had been a conscientious objector during the Korean War and was concerned that their protest take legitimate forms. He made one exception in the case of a young man on a hunger strike who took up residence in the basement. My sister and I thought he was a living skeleton. And then there were his students. The house was always full of them, and my father’s conversations with them always seemed urgently important. And then there was his mother. After his father died, he took her in, and she lived with us until she died. You can judge a man by the company he keeps. I realized as I reminisced that my father wasn’t being ironic or sarcastic. He really took that adage to heart. He thought you could judge a man by the company he kept. He wanted to be judged by the company he kept. And this, it would appear, is because Jesus did. Think of the company that Jesus kept. First there were his disciples, his closest company. And who were they? Peter and Andrew, James and John were fishermen -- Am ha’aretz, men of the earth – peasant stock, uneducated, ordinary, rough around the edges…. nothing in particular to recommend them. Then there was Levi, a despised tax collector for the Roman Empire. And Judas, a frustrated revolutionary. And Thomas, a skeptic. A rag tag group if you ask me – his closest company. And we hear in our Gospel Lesson about the first man with whom he kept company after he called his disciples. It was a leper, a carrier of a disease that was infectious and disfiguring, a disease without a cure. This of course, made him an outcast, just as similar diseases do today. But not to Jesus. Jesus cured him, and then to vouchsafe that he would be an outcast no more, recommended him to the established methods by which he could return to his community. After that it was a man who was paralyzed, another whose condition rendered him an outcast, for not only was he handicapped, it was deemed in those days that his sin made him so. Again, that he might be returned to his community, Jesus cured him with a word of forgiveness. After that it was a Roman Centurion. The Jews were at that time occupied by the Romans. A Roman Centurion should have been counted his political enemy. After that it was widow who had lost her only son; after that a woman who had earned herself a notorious reputation; after that Mary Magdalene, who was demon possessed; after that a beggar; and after that a group of little children. Yes, Jesus kept strange company, noticeably strange company, the kind of company that would make you take notice, that would make you rubber neck, even. So I think it’s safe to conclude Jesus wanted to be judged by the company he kept. And so, if he wanted to be judged by the company he kept, what judgment can we make of him for the company he kept? We can make the judgment that everyone mattered to him. Everyone - though he had a special place in his heart for those in need, and the greater the need the more special the place. And if Jesus wanted to be judged by the company he kept, we should seek to be judged by the company we keep as well. It begs the question, what company do we keep? Does the company we keep reflect that everyone matters to us? For there is always the risk that it’s more like what is recorded in our Old Testament lesson. In it, Amos takes after the notables…ones…to whom the house of Israel resorts. The notable ones were the upper crust, the elite, the prestigious - to whom the people of faith pandered to keep company. And what did Amos have to say to them? That the people of faith, for their arrogance of class and race and nation, would come to punishment. How surprised Amos would have been to discover that in the fullness of time Jesus bore that punishment himself, in the hope that he could soften arrogance of the people of faith; in the hope that he could make everyone would matter to us – that God’s people could be one. Amen.