“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate……Wretch that I am!”
I can imagine these words in the mouths of many people I know. I can imagine them in my own mouth. I’d wager you can imagine them in yours. But in the mouth of the Paul? Paul beating himself up? Paul tearing himself down? Paul taking himself to task? I don’t think so.
Paul is probably the second most influential man in human history, Jesus Christ being the first. But Jesus Christ had an unfair advantage. He was the Son of God.
And why is Paul’s influence so vast? It is essentially because he was Christianity’s first and greatest theologian. That is to say, he was Christianity’s first and greatest interpreter. What the church down through the centuries believed about Jesus Christ was in large part the result of Paul’s theology. What we believe today about Jesus Christ is the result of Paul’s theology.
Some people just seem preveniently to know the truth with crystal clarity. Abraham Lincoln springs to mind. Winston Churchill springs to mind. Amidst a welter of lesser lights who only think that they know they know the truth with crystal clarity, once in a great while, very rarely, a truly penetrating mind comes along. Paul’s was such a mind. He knew the truth about Jesus Christ with crystal clarity.
From the moment that his public ministry began, through his crucifixion, through his resurrection, through his giving of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, through the foundation of the church; through all of that, it was pretty much a free for all. Talk about a welter of lesser lights. By the end of the second century, everyone seemed to have an opinion as to who he was. He was a martyr. He was a criminal. He was an ascetic. He was a miracle worker. He was a prophet. He was a demagogue. He was an angel. He was a law giver.
Only Paul knew the truth about Jesus Christ with crystal clarity. He knew that Jesus Christ was the Son of God. He knew all that this implied. And to read his letters, this was not something he had to hammer out. He just seemed to have known it. If you asked him, he would have pointed you in the direction of the road along the way to Damascus.
And there are other reasons for his influence. Not only did he know the truth about Jesus Christ with crystal clarity, he knew what to do about it. He embarked upon a series of missionary journeys through which he founded the church. And once founded it, he would not allow it to lapse into error. This is the reason for his letters, to correct the errors in the church that he had founded.
And parenthetically, his line of work did not exactly win him popularity. As a Pharisee turned Christian he was hated by the Jews. As a Christian in the Roman Empire he was hated by the Romans. And so he suffered persecution. In his own words, “Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned…in perils of robbers, in peril by mine own countrymen, in peril by the heathen, in peril in the city, in peril in the wilderness, in peril in the sea, in peril among false brethren.” Eventually he was martyred under the Emperor Nero. Legend has it he was hung upside down on a cross.
So to return to my original point. “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate……Wretch that I am!” I can imagine these words in the mouth of anybody but Paul.
At the very least, we could conclude if Paul felt that way, then everyone must feel that way -- feel that there is our ideal self, that uniquely created self that God intends us to be. Then there is our real self that can’t live up to it. And we live within that tension, essentially at war with ourselves. Not the best place to be.
Fortunately, we are not simply left to flagellate ourselves. Of course, we will never, in this life at least, fully realize our ideal selves; only in heaven will we do that. But still, we are urged to strive, and it is Paul who does the urging. “Beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.”
What Paul is saying, is that with Jesus as our model and guide we must strive toward our ideal selves, and here’s a key thing -- one degree at a time. What this means is that we do not span the distance between our real self and our ideal self in one leap. We do it one step at a time.
What Paul is offering is practical advice, advice that amounts to a technique for self-mastery – one degree at a time; one step at a time. So say, for example, you are confronted by some aspect of your real self. The church down through the centuries has conveniently enumerated all the things that make our real selves our real selves – Pride, Envy, Anger, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, and Lust.
So say you are confronted by some aspect of your real self. Say you are confronted by your anger. And anger houses many other things: frustration, hostility, blaming, brooding, resentment, negativity, and violence. You look to Jesus Christ as your model and guide – he who said, “…but I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who insults a brother or sister is answerable….And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” You tell yourself that your anger is unworthy of your ideal self. And you master it just one time. Then you master it one more. Then you master it one more. You master it until you have it mastered. Because if you don’t master it, it masters you. The real self wins, and the ideal self loses.
Or say you are confronted by another aspect of your real self. Say you are confronted by your envy. And envy too houses many other things: the drive to keep up, then the drive to surpass, then even the secret hope for the downfall of the object of your envy. You look to Jesus Christ as your model and guide - he who said, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” You tell yourself that your envy is unworthy of your ideal self. And you master it just one time. Then you master it one more. Then you master it one more. You master it until you have it mastered. Because if you don’t master it, it masters you. The real self wins, and the ideal self loses.
Degree by degree, step by step, gradually, eventually, you will feel less like a wretch. At least it seemed to work that way for Paul. Just before he was martyred under Emperor Nero, he wrote these words, “ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness.” Those aren’t the words of a wretch.
You know Benjamin Franklin could have reduced this sermon to six words. “God helps them that help themselves.” Amen.